Important Things That Don’t Matter

It just so happened that I saw his name flashing on my email inbox yesterday. That’s why I am writing this entry now. Invitation lang naman pala to add him sa friendster. But anyway, I got actually excited by a sign of his presence. To put it simply, I AM excited to see him again. No doubts. No worries. No areas of gray and moments of hesitation. Just him — and me. *Sigh*

After what happened, I was pretty sure we’ll never talk to each other again, even though that would be rude. Actually, we never got the chance to talk after that night.

I was rummaging through my kept photos, nothing significant. This is just some random photo I took at White Island, maybe I just wanna say that ang lahat ay bakas na ng nakaraan (HAHAHA!).

THAT NIGHT, –well, let’s just call it a night– it was neither a dream come true nor a nightmare. It was just an ordinary night, typical, but he was there and I too, and I think that made everything not-so ordinary.  God knows NOTHING happened. I swear to all angels and saints. Of course we were not the only ones who slept inside that mosquito-prone small dark room. Well, NOTHING happened, BUT SOMETHING happened. Maybe we were just too excited to be together again. We were NOT drunk. We were just ourselves. We were perfectly sane. It was fun.

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I didn’t know how long we were awake. I managed to sleep for a very short while. He wasn’t able to sleep. Who could? We were six on the bed – it was hard and narrow. Our feet were practically hanging just so all of us could fit. Tsk tsk. Anyway, I woke up with baggy eyes, my body still aching for having slept uncomfortably.

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We didn’t talk the whole day. No words. The three-hour ride back home was a total silence. It’s as if we were talking with our eyes. But I couldn’t look at him directly. It was just – weird. *Sigh*

At last, he talked when we bid goodbye.

I just nodded.

Then we never got the chance to see each other again after that.

I love him – I used to. Now, I still do, but not like before. I know he had loved me too. Sadly, there had never been “us.” And it was ALL my fault. For three long years, he was the reason I woke up with a smile. He was everything I wanted. As cheesy and mushy as it is, maybe it was the right love at the wrong time.

His three-letter name speaks of everything I wanted about him. He sings wells. He smokes well too (haha!).  He makes me laugh all the time yet he brings me to tears whenever he gets serious. He is himself.

I know we’re just fine. Maybe we realized that we’re better off as friends. But fate brings us together. I don’t know. We don’t know. We can never tell.