It must have been such a long time since I had “seriously” committed myself to someone. My last relationship started one summer ago and officially ended just this last summer. BUT it was a relationship full of lies, doubts, baseless claims, idiosyncrasies, nonsense quarrels, true-to-life boredom, playing games, and wasted tears – in short, it was a total mess. Maybe we were just overwhelmed that we rushed into things we weren’t sure of. We claimed to be serious and committed – yes, I think, at first we were – but towards the end, it was war-of-the-worlds in the making. Good thing, only a few friends knew about it, so then I wouldn’t have to explain why the hell we ended up in war. It was again one of the risks I involved myself into but it was now surely over and done. If you think about it, it’s not even a long time ago story, it has only been five months. But since most of my friends do not know about it, they feel like I already kissed dating goodbye.
Here’s what has been happening with my friends lately.
Gold said, sino yung tinutukso sayo? Wala ka talagang boyfriend? Ay gusto ko may boyfriend ka. Meron yan ba, ayaw mo lang sabihin. (I just laughed my ass out.)
Anj said, musta naman ang lovelife?
Hannah said, maghanap ka na rin ng boyfriend tol para happy.
Pai said, ikaw? walang boyfriend?
Wed said, uy tol aminin!
Mama said, (yes, my biological mother) aminin mo na lang kasi na may boyfriend ka na.
Now, why is that suddenly, everybody seems to be getting curious about my singleness, which I find so funny.
Why. Well, maybe because most of my friends are in a relationship? (Haha!)
Yeah like, Gwyn‘s 3 years happy with Rob, Lilet‘s four-year relationship with Kuya Eug is going stronger, Wed has, I think, finally found the man of her dreams (way to go Wed!), and Hannah has no problem with that as usual.
On the other hand, Beans is happy and satisfied (right?), Joan‘s lucky inlove with her bestfriend, Gold‘s ever too proud of Fredo, Krisha‘s with Simon for so long now, Steh is so inspired because of her significant other whose name I do not know until now, Anj, I believe, is happy and is getting good at what she’s doing. Well, Corinne is up with something I do not know. Jeez.
Jez is with Mon and Phoebe is with DJ forever and ever amen!
Whew! I still have a bunch of friends not mentioned. They’re involved and committed and happy and learning… while I (?) am – breaking free? Unhappy? Unloved?
I’m happy for my friends. They chose to involve themselves with somebody because they are willing to take risks and ready to be committed, while I am not yet, not now.
I am single BUT NOT loveless. I have a lot to choose from! Hahaha! Its just that I cannot yet let down my guard and go beyond my way again. I want to be sure of everything. With some failed relationships I had, I should have learned by now not to rush into things. I’ve been into playing games but it can be all so tiring and unsustainable, not to mention a total pain in the ass. I’m not afraid of pain, of getting hurt, and the fact that at some point I have to let go. The truth is everybody’s just gonna hurt you, you just have to decide who’s worth the pain.
I am single now, and I am happy. I love and I am loved. I’m young and carefree. I can do whatever I want, and I don’t give a damn. So what’s with the rush? The time has yet to come when all I’ll be needing is one person to make it all different. (Haha!)